We Changed Drunk Driving Culture, We Can Change Rape Culture Too

Has anyone ever studied how the military got DUI culture from “You can’t make SGM without at least 2x DUIs” to “Nobody around a base will dare to drive after more than 2 drinks?” And then compared that to the supposed *impossibility* of ending rape-culture?

Culture change is hard, but it’s doable. There are literal advanced degrees in this stuff, so, so, so much data, and all kinds of people doing this work. I was heartbroken to find just how much research has been done on the disgusting reality of what women go through in service.

Heartbroken because we know the right answer, but nobody cares. We don’t know all the steps, but we know enough that, to quote @gilltheamazon “When those with the power to create change *decide* to start” (emphasis mine), we can outline real steps rapidly.

Let’s start by looking at DUI culture. During the Vietnam era, drinking and drugs were an embedded part of military culture (this is not a criticism, just a statement). A big part of that was directly enabled by the government. It was a huge problem, and the leadership decided no more.

So, they set out to change the culture with a 2-pronged approach — they made repercussions automatic & non-negotiable (1 offense and you’re done), & they made it unacceptable to excuse or defend the actions. Alcohol is not responsible for being drunk & putting you behind the wheel. You made the choice, you suffer the consequences. They are swift and immediate. Nobody these days will risk their neck or career to defend a buddy caught drinking and driving — they know they are done.

By my time, it was unimaginable to think you could have more than 1–2 drinks anywhere in an Army town & get behind the wheel — nobody did it. When I’d go home to Texas, I’d be shocked how people would regularly down 5–8 drinks in one night, and still say, “oh, I’m fine to drive.” Never, never saw that in Army town.

Are there still problems with DUI in the Army? Of course there are. There will always be “bad apples” anywhere. The problem is when we let “bad apples” be the red herring that draws all of our focus away from the structural, cultural, and policy issues that are endemic in our military force.

The Vietnam-era Army didn’t have a bunch of *shitbags* — the activities of drinking/driving & drug-usage didn’t get you seen by your community as a *shitbag*, so people did it. These are called norms, it’s a whole area of study. In any closed off group, norms can be dangerous. Nobody questions norms. To paraphrase Dr. J. Richard Hackman, after a lifetime of study into groups and group behavior, human beings will do *anything* to be accepted by a group of which they are voluntary members. Anything.

Now, let’s turn our attention to rape-culture. At this point, let me remind you that I was born & raised in the religious sex cult, the Children of God, that both preached and practiced religious prostitution and pedophelia for God. I know firsthand (and from birth) how rape-culture can be built into the values of & practiced in an organization.

In the Army, & many other forces, but I will only speak here for the Army, those norms we talked about mean that rape is accepted as a hazard of duty for women (we’re talking norms, so don’t #mentoo, me here). We’re publicly given knives to stab our buddies when they assault us, it’s expected. Our bathrooms have cipher locks, our movements are restricted “for our own protection”, we get imprisoned ‘for our own safety’ after our assaults. We deal with policies (General Order 1, I’m looking at you) that are willing to sacrifice our safety & lives on the alter of Good Order & Discipline.

All of this, and so, so much more, make rape the problem of the victim — almost as ludicrous as blaming the alcohol for the DUI would be, but of course we would never do that. Rapists, *RAPISTS* get off scot-free because they are “good for operations” or “really good soldiers”. And we don’t demonize the activity amongst our troops.

A Private told me a story of being trapped in a room at a barracks party, when she managed to get away & told others, they laughed & said, “sounds like Matt.” When do we get to the point that our “brothers” start screaming “OMG, Matt’s a freaking RAPIST!!!!” on our behalf? When do we get to the point that our officers, on. the. first. offense. kick the rapists out? When do those who get raped get believed, rather than being put on trial for what military regulation they may have been breaking?

When I was raped in Afghanistan, quite brutally, I could not report it. Why? Because I was, and am,100% confident that my unit would have decommissioned me & kicked me out of the Army for ‘being alone with a guy’, a violation of GO1(see above). They would not have cared that I’d been violated. I would have been put on trial — the fact that I’d removed my own boots all the evidence they needed to convict me for the crime of being raped.

The other day, I tweeted about how my Soldiers gave me a *shower knife* so that I’d never be without a weapon. They told me “stab first, Ma’am, and we’ll sort it out later.” It wasn’t even hidden that I needed the weapon against American soldiers more than anyone else.

When I was going out on patrols as the only woman with 25 guys…Three. Different. Captains. came to warn me to “watch my back out there” — the implication being that we all thought it was possibility that 25 American Soldiers would simultaneously lose their minds out on the sands of Kandahar & decide to gang-rape an Officer. Even I didn’t think to question why we thought that, and what it meant. I was just scared.

I had no response…other then, “what would I even do?” These guys are all Rangers, and all I have my M4 — maybe I can take down two of them? Maybe? (My patrol team was wonderful, & many of them made the ultimate sacrifice but that’s not the point. Rape-culture is the point).

In response to my tweet about the knife, women across all of our American forces shared “Yep, happened to me too” stories, while our partnered FVEY countries (UK, Canada, Australia, New Zealand) shared their women’s horror stories every time they had to be with the Americans. They felt like prisoners, like American Soldiers were waiting around every corner to violate them. We felt that every day of deployment.

Those countries have rape — they still have bad apples — but they don’t have rape culture. It’s a distinct, and very, very, important difference. We know it’s a culture thing because we know without having to think about it that the Army is worse than the Navy, & we know the Marines are worst of all. We know units where we’d never want women we love — our girlfriends, sisters, wives, etc. to end up — Fort Hood, Fort Campbell, Fort Bragg, and on & on. There’s no statistical explanation for ‘bad apples’ to be distributed that way other than culture.

It’s an open secret that “The Greatest Generation” raped an untold number of women (estimates range from the tens of thousands to the millions) of women across Europe during WWII. In France, they still talk about it — and they still resent us for it. Those men were never punished, quite they opposite, those men came home & built our modern-day Army, put the leaders in place who are still here today, promoted those with the values *they* respected.

(Now, this is obviously the part where I will get rape threats & vicious attacks, I’m used to that, guys). I’m not saying that all men are bad, or everyone who served in WWII was a rapist. I’m saying facts about that cohort & what they went on to do. If we can’t discuss it, we can’t ever fix it. If we can’t dig deeply into the foundations of how war and rape have *always* been tied together in our nations history, everything we try to do is just a band-aid. We’re gonna have to stop hero-worshipping service members, and start holding them, and their leaders accountable.

Culture change isn’t impossible; it’s not beyond reach; it’s not an *operations* issue. We’ll all be a lot better off when we get Rape-Culture chaptered out of our Army. This is something that ALL Americans should be shouting about. This is how the world sees us.

There are ways to change norms — when are the people with the power to create real and lasting change going to decide to start?

Daniella Mestyanek Young is an American author and TEDx Speaker. Daniella has been breaking through barriers and challenging authority figures since her earliest childhood memories growing up in the horrifying Children of God Cult and on through her service and deployment to war twice. Daniella served as part of the first group of women who integrated into deliberate combat arms missions back in 2011 and has since spent the majority of her time leading in veteran service organizations to try and help folks heal and find their own definition of success after their service.

Daniella is married to the world’s best special operations helicopter pilot and speaks primarily in Brazilian Portuguese with her daughter, who sasses her back in three languages. Daniella is currently at work on her memoir. She can be found speaking speaking truth to power, irritating vetbros and stamping out the kyriarchy on Twitter @daniellamyoung. She can be contacted at daniella.m.young@gmail.com