Why Did My Battle-Buddy Get Radicalized, But Not Me?

Multiple friends have been reaching out lately, asking some version of “how did people get radicalized to such an extent as we’ve been seeing lately with Qanon and the January 6th insurrection?” and, more importantly they are asking, “why not us? why not me? why was I immune.” As someone who’s experienced and studied extremism, in person, pretty much my whole life, here are some thoughts:

These are EXACTLY the questions we should all be asking ourselves right now. Studies have shown that no ‘type’ of person is immune to radicalization or falling prey to cults or cult-think. There’s no such thing as being “too smart” for that.

For starters, many of us were just in the right place and the right time, and didn’t get radicalized. That is an important realization. It’s important because as we begin to try to de-radicalize our friends, family and other good people who fell prey to white supremacist thought.

We need to start with compassion, or they will just shut down. Understanding deeply that it can happen to anyone is a big part of that. Now let’s talk those who were primed for it, more likely to fall into conspiracy thinking and the Q cult.

In this case, those white people who see the movement towards equality for everyone as white people losing (which is true in a way, we have to give back much of the privilege we obtained from those who took it by force or manipulation and then passed it down to us) were much more susceptible to the rhetoric.

Similarly, the very religious (importantly, those who’ve never *questioned* their religion) were more susceptible. I had an aunt, a leader in the religious cult I grew up in (which was extremely anti-American, btw,) participate in the insurrection. 🤦‍♀️ She’s spent her life calling America “Babylon the Whore”, and now she’s swept up in the “glory” of American Patriotism.

For these people, AI & the algorithms we’ve all heard of, contributed an essential element of brainwashing — isolation. It’s really, really hard to brainwash anyone if they are not isolated into that thought pattern (hint: that’s something you can do to protect yourself).

Once people get far enough in that they are committed in ways that they feel they can’t back out (ie, all of their friends & family know, they’ve burned bridges, etc.), and then they encounter two deeply held beliefs that conflict they literally cannot back out — mind gets to work

In states of cognitive dissonance, the mind can justify anything — literally. The cult I grew up in, for example, justified pedophilia as God’s will. When I say the mind can justify anything, I do mean anything.

Nobody can break someone else’s brainwashing, at least, I’ve never seen it or heard about it in ethical ways. The closest is deprogrammers (people like Ted Patrick and the FREECOG movement, if you want a historical example) who usually engage in criminal activity, like kidnapping, for “greater good”,

People have to take the first steps. If you have friends or family in this situation, you may have to accept that you might lose them for a while. You cannot argue someone out of brainwashing. They have to make the first crack in the ideology themselves.

So, how do we protect ourselves? How do we become the “lucky” ones that don’t get radicalized? My favorite tips: read broadly & question everything. Literally, ask the question “why” all the time, no matter how much that upsets whoever you are talking to (imagine me as a Second Lieutenant being told to only read military books and not ask questions…😂).

Read books (preferably in print from reputable sources, less likely to be conspiracies) & read different things. Read fiction & fantasy, business books & leadership tomes, erotica & young adult novels. Oh, and read memoir. Especially cult-survivor memoir — you’ll notice indicators in them that you’ll later be able to spot if it happens to people you care about (intelligence officer tip there.)

Know that *any* group is susceptible to group think (we all know people in the crossfit cult, yes?). A good clue is if all of your free time is being spent with one group of people, you are potentially at risk. That means if you spend all your free time with other gamers, all crossfitters, all church-members, all veterans. DIVERSIFY!!!

Finally, (for now) never, never give your unquestioning obedience to anyone. In fact, be very wary of anyone who uses the terms “obedience” or “loyalty” — it can be super risky. Good leaders should never, never demand your unquestioning obedience.

Surround yourself with different opinions. Don’t be afraid to question everything you were taught growing up, or in the Army, or in a group, throw all that s**t together, stir it up, think about it, and question. Why, why, why?

And don’t be afraid to walk away from BS. Not every idea deserves the same amount of attention or weight. There are not always “good people or ideas on both sides”. Sometimes there is wrong & right, and once you’ve examined it just enough to know it’s toxic, stop ingesting.

Thanks for hanging on for another thread. Always happy for comments, debate, concerns, emotional outbursts. (Misogyny, hatred, racism etc. are not welcome.

Daniella Mestyanek Young is an American author and TEDx Speaker. Daniella has been breaking through barriers and challenging authority figures since her earliest childhood memories growing up in the horrifying Children of God Cult and on through her service and deployment to war twice. Daniella served as part of the first group of women who integrated into deliberate combat arms missions back in 2011 and has since spent the majority of her time leading in veteran service organizations to try and help folks heal and find their own definition of success after their service.

Daniella is married to the world’s best special operations helicopter pilot and speaks primarily in Brazilian Portuguese with her daughter, who sasses her back in three languages. Daniella is currently at work on her memoir. She can be found speaking speaking truth to power, irritating vetbros and stamping out the kyriarchy on Twitter @daniellamyoung. She can be contacted at daniella.m.young@gmail.com